Marriage requirement: Must not be a redneck

A couple of weeks ago, Roommate A (aka Shorty, the Pigmy Scapegoat...we really need to just pick a single name for her...) went country dancing with some people. She met this guy there (we will call him CattleProd) who is just a little taller than she is and who was a really good dancer. He somehow ended up with her number and they've gone out twice since then, not because she's interested, but because he is just fun to dance with.

Last night, Roommate A and I decided to go to LOL (a BYU comedy show). CattleProd called her before we went, asked what she was doing, and decided to accompany us with his roommate, SlowPoke. So it became a date.

Roommate A gave me a debriefing before they arrived. They are both from Wyoming, neither of them are students, neither have jobs, and CattleProd is 26 years old. SlowPoke's age is unknown. What a fascinating pair.

They arrived. Knowing that I had absolutely nothing in common with SlowPoke, I said little. Neither of them said anything either. Roommate A and I made small talk with each other, and if we were lucky, Slowpoke or CattleProd might say a word or two in a thick mid-western accent. Roommate A and I got into the back seat of SlowPoke's beige truck, and tolerated the country music. Luckily it was a short ride.

The walk across the parking lot was insufferably long. I wanted to walk as fast as I could, but with Roommate A and CattleProd being so small, we had to walk at a more leisurely pace. It ended up being mega-awkward...CattleProd was always at Roommate A's side, leaving me with the mute SlowPoke, but we ended up just being really spaced out as I tried to increase our speed by walking a little ahead...

We finally made it. Roommate A and I payed for ourselves, and CattleProd paid for SlowPoke. I was tempted to flirt with the ticket guy, who was much cuter than either of our redneck friends, and who said more to me in 60 seconds than SlowPoke said to me the whole night. I refrained.

I sat on the end, next to Roommate A. Then came CattleProd and SlowPoke. Go figure my "date" and I were the furthest apart. I was grateful.

I was also grateful that I brought my OChem review sheets to work on. It saved me from making awkward conversation during intermission when Roommate A left to make a phone call.

After another long walk back to the parking lot, I shared my knowledge about why chickens can run around with their heads cut off (I thought this type of conversation might be more in their league), and then we were home.

And so ends awkward date #2 of the semester.