A long and much-needed gripe.

Yes, I know I shouldn't complain. I know my life is blessed. But it's time to vent. I can't continue studying until I unleash some of my irritation.

Proceed at your own risk. This isn't a happy blog.

The first thing that went wrong today was that it was a Monday. That in itself is worth complaining about. Swimming was good, and Church history was good too. Then physics. Normally my favorite class. Not today. The guy with the weird haircut doesn't want to be my friend. He sat by me a few times, and we chatted and I thought he was nice. He doesn't sit by me anymore, or even say hello. My only guesses why are 1) we're at BYU and guys think the only reason girls want to be friends with them is to get married, or 2) I'm a freshman and he's too cool for me. Yeah--the kid with the weird haircut is too cool for me.

So I'm sitting there, and the girl sitting next to me keeps swinging her leg back and forth. Because our seats are connected, my seat is doing a lot of moving. Sooooo obnoxious. I try harshly shifting positions, hoping she will take the hint. She doesn't. Then, the philosophical idiot loud-talker girl who ALWAYS sits behind me and talks too much about things she doesn't understand decides to put her feet up on the back of my arm rest. Not only does she have the gall to put her feet up on a chair that is in use, but of course she can't hold still and continuously bumps my arm and lower back with her orange gym shoes. Each time, I glance backward, thoroughly annoyed, hoping she will realize she is ticking me off. She also does not take the hint.

After physics, I go to take the HEPE test. I actually paid attention in class this unit. Before taking the test, I skimmed the chapters as a review. But no--I still got an 80%. I would like to declare that I am not stupid. I've been told I'm rather smart. What's stupid was the test. Questions about things that weren't emphasized in class; awkwardly worded questions; questions in which there were more than one right answer and it was unclear which one was the "best" answer. Argh. I cannot win.

I come home, and there is an odd smell in our house. I have yet to figure out what it is.

I read for Book of Mormon (that calmed me for a bit), then go to sleep. I get up and realize I had missed two IM's from people I enjoy talking to. I then spend two hours at a review session for the O Chem test I have tomorrow.

I come home, feeling bad that I skipped out on FHE because they were planning our video tonight, and now words like "hydroquinone" and "ethoxy methane" are flying around meaninglessly in my brain like a song that won't get out of my head.

On top of all this, and the impending tests/assignments of the week, I spoke to my mother yesterday. Don't get me wrong--I love my mom very much. But sometimes...AAAAAAAHHHH. Conversation paraphrased as follows:

Mom: So have you decided on a major yet?
Stephalumpagus: No...thinking about sound recording.
M: You sure you don't just want to do nursing? Why did you decide against it?
S: I can't stick a needle in someone's arm, Mom. I can't deal with that. Plus I hate classes like O Chem...And with nursing, it's only going to get worse.
M: You'll get used to the needles. Plus you won't even have to use chemistry.
S: Umm...I don't want to get used to the needles. And I don't want to do something I'm going to hate. I'd like to have a career that at least slightly interests me.
M: Well, you need to be able to make some money too. [As if nursing is the only way to make money in life]
S: I know! I'm trying to choose a good major!
M: You want to graduate in four years too...You're probably going to get married and you're not going to want to be in school forever.
S, rolling her eyes: Mom, a lot of people take five years to graduate. You realize it would take me almost five years if I major in nursing.
M: Why? I graduated in four years.
S: You're not a nurse, Mom. The nursing major is 9 and 1/2 semesters.
M: Well, I'm telling you, you want to be graduated in four years. You should talk to a counselor before you register for classes.
S, deciding to end this before she explodes: Okay Mom. I need to go study now.

My thoughts:
1) My sister has taken five years to graduate, and that doesn't seem to be a problem.
2) My sister is also married and in school, which isn't a problem.
3) My sister is a PE major. Like she's EVER going to make good money.

And yet, my mom is ok with that. What the crap?

More thoughts:
4) I want to do something I like doing. I don't want to be miserable for the rest of my life.
5) Not entirely planning on it, but I may end up going on a mission.
6) I have a feeling (a hunch, if you will? or possible a whispering of the Spirit?) that I won't be getting married super young. Both my mom and my sister got married when they were 20. I think it will be more like 23-27 for me. Don't know why. Just a feeling.
7) I suddenly realized why I'm not very homesick for my family. I love them, but like I said....AAAAAHHHH.

I ate a lot of ice cream today.

Ok so this blog was super long and full of pessimism. I really am not unhappy with my life. In fact, Saturday night I felt more content than I had in a long time. I have tons of blessings. I really do. It's just one of those Mondays. I miss my friends. Can't wait for Thanksgiving--to be back in California...

I need a jamba and a hug. Or maybe to just lay in my bed and sleep away the angst.