The way things are

Life is a really hard game. The pieces keep falling out of those teeny little cars!

Thursday, October 04, 2007


I've never been super close to my parents. I mean, I love them, and they love me, and I feel like they were/are pretty good parents, but I've never really had any desire to confide in them. I just really like my independence. I rarely asked them for help with homework, I never told them about boys I liked, and I just didn't rely on them emotionally. I'm not really sure why that is, but it just is.

That's probably why moving to Provo was so easy for me--I didn't really leave behind any huge emotional support. But being away from them really has made me appreciate them more. I have a lot of memories that I'm very fond of--listening/dancing to music with my dad, cooking with my mom, playing games with my entire family... It always makes me smile to think about the fun times I've had with them. I love them dearly.

We still aren't very close. I call them once a week. Talking with them during the week is rare and is always a surprise. I've been trying to tell them more about my life because I want them to feel included and because I want them to be a part of my life in some small way or another. It was sort of a big deal for me to tell my mom that I'm dating Jacob. But we're getting better at talking. It's one of my favorite things to hear my mom's excited voice telling me something new about the family or what she's been up to. I really love those moments.

I'm closer to my mom than my dad. In a lot of ways. People always tell me I'm just like my mom, and I know it's true. She and I are better at talking and at spending time together.

Dad is trickier though. Some of my dearest memories are spending time with him as a little girl; in fact, I'm sure I spent more time with him when I was little than I did with my mom. But then I became a teenager and my interests changed. It was very gradual, and I don't think it was a bad thing, but we just weren't super close. We didn't have any huge conflicts though, so I still enjoyed spending time with him.

We never went to any father/daughter events. Sometimes I was glad he wasn't that kind of dad. Sometimes I wished he would ask if I wanted to go. Sometimes I thought about asking him, but I just thought it might end up being awkward because we'd run out of things to talk about. So we never went. I don't really mind that. It's just interesting to note.

I've always thought he was really cool though. Seriously, I think my dad is one of the coolest people I know. It's one of the reasons I'm really proud to be a Pedersen. He's just so cool. He's hilarious and weird, he works hard, he's way smart, he's way spiritual and he understands a lot of really deep doctrine in a really simple way, he's generous and giving, he's a good speaker, he loves movies and games, he's a natural leader, he's laid back and fun, and he's incredibly selfless.

The past year, I've noticed that I take after him in more ways than I previously thought. And I like that. A lot.

He doesn't talk much on the phone. I'll tell him about my life and then ask what's new. His response is usually along the lines of, "Nothing new. Everything's the same. Pretty boring." I don't really like that. I'm trying to connect with this man that gave me half of my genes, and he has nothing to say. My sister assures me he's like that with her too though, so at least I know it's nothing personal. I guess I just noticed that he's quieter lately. When I went home this summer I noticed he's quieter. He's getting older too. Nothing drastic, but it sort of made me sad.

I got home today was washing some dishes when my phone started buzzing. The screen displayed, "Dad cell." I actually thought it might be my mom calling from his phone--after all, why would he be calling me on a Thursday afternoon?

It actually was him. I said hello and asked what was up. He responded, "Not much, I just hadn't talked to you in almost two weeks so I thought I'd give you a call." That is seriously one of the best things he's ever said to me. He was calling just to talk to me. That really meant a lot.

So he started by asking how school is going, if I think I'm going to get good grades, etc. We talked about Calculus because my little brother Handsome is also taking it. Dad talked a bit about when he took Calculus, and then he asked about my other classes. He and my mom are on vacation now so I asked how that was going. He actually responded with more than one sentence. We talked about Thanksgiving plans and then he asked me all about Jacob. Multiple questions. He actually sounded interested, like he wanted to know all about my life. We even laughed a bit.

We hung up and the tears came immediately. It was only a 15 minutes, but it was one of the best phone calls I've ever had.


Blogger Klobas said...

how nice. my dad is the same way usually. one sentence responses. i think a lot of men aren't phone-talkers.

7:38 AM  
Blogger Felicity said...

I think Dad's are especially great at doing the small and making it really meaningful. My dad is at least :)

7:45 AM  

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