I went through my saved emails today...

...and I found this. I wrote this my sophomore year in high school I believe. One of those days where I went home early because of a choir thing and I was bored.

To Whom It May Concern:

A recent study of crabs in the O-zone layer has shown that the hard shell of a crab is impenetrable to the UV light from the sun. Scientists have begun the dissection of thousands of our underwater friends to create a giant crab-shell shield around the earth. Crab-lovers everywhere are protesting by holding lobsters hostage until our side-walking allies are released. The production of flashlights and light bulbs is on the rise because no one is sure how the people of earth will be able to see with a giant shell-shield blocking the sun's light.

The crabs seem to be on to the scientists--they have disappeared from beaches everywhere--and are now hosting an enormous International Underwater Convention For the Protection of Sea Critters aboard the deck of the Titanic. Several crabs were spotted off the coast of Antarctica making snowcrabs. An astronaut claims to have seen a miniature space pod piloted by two crabs heading toward Mars.

Scientists continue their pursuit of our six-legged two-pincered buddies, but these crabs aren't going down without a fight.

To support the protests of this heinous crime, call toll free: 1-800-SAVETHECRABS.


Gosh I was (am?) weird. I sent this email to about ten different people. One girl actually believed it. But that's not even the best part. Last year, when I told the Native about this, he actually called 1-800-SAVETHECRABS and he got a machine for some save-the-children organization.