The way things are

Life is a really hard game. The pieces keep falling out of those teeny little cars!

Monday, September 24, 2007

Update No.5

Okay so I'm mostly done. I just wanted to blog about Sunday. I was in a pretty irreverent mood (I blame spending two straight (gay) days with Samantha and AtP for that) but luckily Peas was too. Jacob came with us to church and the three of us giggled through Sunday school. We decided it wouldn't be a good idea to stay for the last hour, so we didn't.

We lounged about for a while, then Jacob and I went to my grandparents house. We played Rook--girls versus guys--and the guys totally kicked our trash. Jacob got the hang of the game way faster than I had expected him to. It was really fun though, and Grandma's food is always amazing.

Aunt Shelly told us a great story too. Apparently in American Fork there is a school for mentally handicapped people that can't really function in society. Once when my dad was a toddler, Grandpa was out in the backyard playing with him and the girls. The neighbor called Grandma and said, "One of them retards has escaped and is with your kids in the backyard!" Grandma's reply was, "No, that's just my husband." My grandpa was mistaken for a retard. Wow.

Anyway. Later I went with Jacob to his friend's house. He and this friend had grown up together and hadn't seen each other for a while so they had fun reminiscing on their childhood. The people there were all pretty cool so I had fun, although I didn't understand anything when they all started speaking Spanish. Ex-Roommate C used to do that. It was okay though. We all had some good conversations about books and stuff, and Jacob's friend was really cool. I also tried an Argentinian drink called mate, which tasted like liquid green beans. It was sort of disgusting, but it was one of those things where you just keep drinking it anyway and you don't really know why.

Then it was really cold and we made Ghirardelli hot chocolate at my house.

I was sad to go to school again. Good thing tomorrow is Tuesday. Only two classes. Huzzah.

Update No.4

Dinner and after at the EG Conference:


~Getting to know Glasses and Pinetree better was fabulous. I made a point of getting their phone numbers.

~Smurf came for dinner and the devotional. He was at a different table than we were, but he text me after the awards ceremony started suggesting we escape. He followed me out, followed by Sully and AtP, who suggested we hide in the somewhat large closet he had just discovered. Jokes followed. AtP and Sully returned to the ceremony for some reason though, so Smurf and I left. We contemplated swimming in the reflecting pool in front of the temple, but it was too cold so we just went and washed his sweatshirt instead.

~The main speaker for the devotional was Michael McLean, who is pretty well-known in the Mormon music world. He was a pretty hilarious speaker, but he wasn't the greatest singer. Peas pointed out that he sounded like Mr. Rogers. He knew he wasn't a singer though so that was good. He actually made some good points. I really liked his thoughts on the story about Peter walking on water. And I think I'm going to have to save the texts AtP sent me. Ha.

~On the way back to Provo, an acquaintance of mine who is friends with AtP called and came out to me. We basically decided to be BFF's, and he came over to AtP's house for a little while. Jacob was there too, along with Samantha and family and various other Moho's. Glasses even came. I was asleep for the majority of the time I was there, but it was still fun. I was sad to say goodbye to everyone, but I was way tired.

It was crazy but fun. I haven't called my mom yet to tell her about it, but I plan on calling her tomorrow. I don't know if I'll go next year or not--I'll at least go for the devotional--but I'm really glad I went. I actually did get a few really good things out of it and made a few new friends. Yay!

Update No.3

Day two of the Evergreen Conference:

Highlights include:

~AtP said he would pick me up at 7:30. This time it was his fault, but he didn't wake up until 7:25.

~AtP, Samantha, and I didn't like our choices for the first class, so we decided not to go. The hallway smelled horribly, so we got some Febreeze out of AtP's car and followed Samantha as she surreptitiously sprayed it. Somehow we ended up hiding in the hallway giggling.

~Still ditching, we filled out surveys and questions, which caused much more laughter. I even filled out a "strugglers" survey as a straight person.

~We went to this great class about innate goodness. About how we always have trouble believing that we are good, no matter how much evidence there is. The presenter was this amazing woman. I really enjoyed it.

~I returned to the cute lesbian's class--this time it was on true femininity. She had a lot of good points on what femininity is and isn't, and then we got into a really interesting discussion about lesbian stereotypes. I escaped when it started getting slightly heated, but it was a good class nonetheless.

~Time for the story about the random kid who I will call Glasses. This one time I met Glasses' brother in the Wilk, and I thought he was cute so I gave him my number. He never called me, but Sunshine called him once and set up a lunch date. So she and I and Glasses and Brother had lunch together once. Also, Glasses once came over to our house to play games. But I hadn't seen him since. Until the EG Conference. He had come alone, having never met any other Moho's before. I totally wanted to be his friend, so he and Pinetree convinced me to go with them to the extra workshop instead of watching the Joseph Smith movie.

~The extra workshop was very interesting for me. I learned a lot about the organization of Evergreen and about women "strugglers" (which is such a horrible term, by the way). After the class, some old people started talking to Pinetree; Glasses and I stuck around and it ended up being a very interesting conversation.

Update No.2

Day One of the Evergreen Conference

Highlights include:
~AtP said he would pick me up at 7:10 am. Unfortunately, Original Mohomie set the alarm incorrectly (it was the AM/PM) and he didn't wake up until 7:21 am.
~One of the speakers said, "The miracle of Evergreen." It was sort of hilarious.
~We went to the cute Presbyterian lesbian's class about our relationships with men and God. I actually quite enjoyed it.
~Pinetree had lunch with us, which was great because I got to know him better.
~I saw this random kid that I had met before!!! I'll tell this story when I talk about Saturday.
~AtP and I went to a class presented by Chris Dietzel, who is absolutely amazing. Her outlook on life was so enthusiastic and positive. I really got a lot out of her presentation about achieving happiness through the Atonement. She has a blog, which I haven't visited yet, but I definitely will. Her URL is
~We ditched the barbecue and returned to Provo for dinner. Peas came, and I got to meet Sully and Samantha's son DJ, who were both hilarious and really cool. DJ has amazing gaydar. And Sully has a laugh that is almost as loud as AtP's. Needless to say, there were a lot of people staring in our direction. Oh yeah, and Darrin is the coolest gay straight man of all time.

I told Jacob all about my day and he thought it was cool. He was really great about me going to the conference. He's amazing.

Update No.1

Last week was...crazy. I had to do my homework 2-4 days in advance, which was sort of stressful. But I did it. And finally--finally--I have time to relax and post about all the things I've wanted to.

First things first. Boy needs a better name. I could go back to his old name--the name he posts under--but that's not a name I assigned him. It's just a nickname that he's had for a while and I sort of want to name him myself. So from here on out his name will be Jacob. I'll leave it to you to figure out why. Also, Jenni Bean shall hereafter be called Peas.

Let's start with Wednesday. It had been exactly a week since Jacob and I had started dating, so we celebrated by making cinnamon rolls and hot chocolate. Unfortunately, I had a ton of homework to do in advance, so it wasn't much of a celebration, but still. A week is the longest I have ever officially been in a relationship (don't think I'm a total loser though--I was in an unofficial relationship for a year once) so it was worth celebrating. Yay.

Thursday was. Many things. I skipped a class, went to a class that I should/could have skipped, and took a test that I hadn't studied for. I rushed home to put some clothes in the wash, picked up Jacob, then headed off to Bajio for lunch with Sharky and Arnold who were in town for the weekend. Arnold harassed me mercilessly every time Jacob was out of earshot; it was hilarious. Sharky rambled about how she's not really thrilled with teaching high school PE and about how dumb it was that the JKHB is now called the JKB. I love those two.

The four of us then proceeded to the grandparents house where we ate homemade raspberry pie and banana bread and taught Jacob how to play Rook. He was a huge hit with everyone and he picked up the game very well. We also played Joker, complete with sound effects (I'd be happy to demonstrate for you some time), which is a game that was invented by one of Sharky's friends.

I sadly said goodbye to Sharky and Arnold (I wouldn't be able to see them again because of the EG Conference) and we headed off to Zupas. The Samantha and Darrin were there, along with a plethora of Moho's. I didn't really get to talk with everyone, but I did meet two lesbians who seemed very cool. And sitting next to AtP is always a joy/entertainment. Oh, and for my Moho's, Jacob thinks you all are way cool and hilarious.

I couldn't stay long because I had bell rehearsal (which was fun in most ways). After that I just watched TV at Jacob's house and then went to bed early--Friday was going to be a long day.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

For the stupid males out there. And then some delightfulness.

So this is just me saying that if you are a guy and you ever treat one of my girlfriends like crap, stay away because I will have nothing good to say to you. In the past couple of months, several of my girlfriends have been mistreated by jerky boys and it really bothers me. It hurts me to see them get hurt. I can't imagine that the Savior would be happy to hear that you treated a daughter of God so disrespectfully. I know I'm not.

With that said, I have had a fabulous week. And I'm really looking forward to this next one. I get to see Sharky and Arnold on Thursday, then Samantha that night, and then there's the EG Conference this weekend. Holy amazing.

Friday, September 14, 2007


"Why are you self-checking me out?"

Thursday, September 13, 2007


AtP and I have had many many grand adventures at Walmart.

Today though, I helped him shop for makeup.


I'm in love with that boy.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

An update

Hey everyone. It's been a while since I've posted (a while, meaning several days...) and I thought I'd post a little something.

First of all, Boy and I have patched up things very well; let's just say Stephalumpagus isn't technically single anymore... Also, classes have been going very well. In one of my classes I'm the only girl, which is slightly hilarious, and none of them seem impossibly difficult. Hopefully I can get my GPA back up to a point where BYU will see fit to give me scholarship money.

In other news, next weekend is the EG Conference, which I'm so excited for (assuming AtP registers sometime soon--we're supposed to be going together). So if you're going, please find me there because I want to see everyone!!!

Also, I have the most amazing roommates. I still think it was a gift from God that Jenni Bean was my roommate last year. She apparently hasn't gotten sick of me yet because we're roommates again. Elizabeth Bennett becomes more and more cool every day--I adore her. And the newest of the three, Evey (I may have to change her name later), is quite affable and not hard to live with at all. So I basically LOVE my apartment.

Last but not least, I went to FHE at the Matis' house, and it was amazing. I'm not going to post in detail on it--just know that it was glorious. I'm pretty sure everyone felt the Spirit there as Tamu and Keith spoke to us. I just want all of my Moho's to know how much I adore you all. You never cease to amaze me. I actually think I'm going to post on that later...

Anyway, life is fabulous (or, just for Salad, fagulous). Hope you all are doing well. Much love.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Supposed to be doing hw

I just killed a spider with a fat behind. It was gross. I don't know what it was doing on my floor.

Also I think romance is much too complicated and it's getting annoying.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

I kissed a drunk girl

Okay so I didn't really kiss a drunk girl (sorry AtP), but I just turned on Something Corporate and that's the song that's playing right now. I sort of forgot they existed. It makes me smile to listen to them.

My hands smell like onions from cooking with Brady. I've washed them several times. Hmm.

School is all right. I don't really know what's going on in my computer classes but there are tons of guys so it's cool. Calculus doesn't seem very hard yet (I guess it helps that I've already taken it) and my religion class seems mega easy. I'm going for straight A's this semester to hopefully get my GPA up (I didn't get a scholarship this semester because a 3.65 isn't good enough for BYU). This looks like it will be a good semester. Just don't let me turn into a complete computer geek. Please.

I have amazing friends too. It makes me so happy to spend time with y'all (yeah I just said that--enjoy it because it doesn't happen often). You guys are amazing.

My roommates are also cool. We all get along. It's amazing.

The ward is nice--a guy from the ward said hello to me today as we walked past each other. Nice to know I'm not invisible/anti-social in this ward.

Life is good. I still have random worries, but I don't think life is ever completely worry-free. Things are good. Did I mention I love you all? I love you all.

Monday, September 03, 2007

Telling Mom about Evergreen

I called my mom today and decided it was time to let her know that I'm going to the EG Conference. I didn't really expect her to fully understand but I did expect her to be supportive. She was not.

She asked why I wanted to go. I told her I have some close friends that are going, that I've wanted to go since last year, that I want to meet some new people, and that I think it might be a good experience for me. She said she wasn't sure how she felt about me going and that she'd "run it past Dad."

I could tell by her voice that she didn't want me to go. It was really surprising--she reacted really well when I told her the Native and some of my other friends are gay. I didn't understand why she was suddenly so against me going to the EG Conference.

There was silence on both ends for a moment, and then she spoke up: "I just don't know how I feel about all this. You know, Brother T just left his family and declared that he's gay." So there it was. My freshman year seminary teacher is gay. To be honest, it didn't surprise me in the least. I had always thought he was. The fact that he left his young wife and two little kids is incredibly sad though.

There was a pause while I thought about these things, and then she said, "It just isn't right."

Her statement really caught me off guard. No, it certainly isn't right that a man completely abandoned his family. But I couldn't help but think of the other possible meaning of the statement. Did she mean that being gay isn't right? I didn't want to believe that's what she meant. She couldn't really think that. She couldn't really believe this is something people choose or ask for. We've talked about this before. I know she understands better than that.

It occurred to me that she might just be upset by the news about Brother T. She knows several women and families that were abandoned by men who chose to go lead gay lifestyles. Maybe this last piece of news was the last straw. Maybe she's just tired of hearing these stories. I tried to look at it from her perspective.

I quickly ensured her that the EG Conference is put on by the Church. I made it clear that it's supposed to help gay members of the Church, and that there would be a GA speaking. Granted, I probably made Evergreen sound much more fabulous than it is in reality, but I wanted to make sure she knew this isn't a gay pride parade. This seemed to make her feel a little better about me going and she again said she'd run it by my dad.

By the end of the conversation she sounded resigned to the fact that I'm going. She said something like, "Well let us know what they say," and we trailed into Labor Day plans, then said goodbye.

But it still sort of made me sad.

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Happy Birthday to Me

It was sort of by accident that I came into the blogging world. A dear friend, linked as "Big Bro" on my sidebar, thought my Yahoo screen name (Stephalumpagus) was quite amusing. It was a name given to me by my dearest Naked Native, and Big Brother told me to create a blog just so I could put Stephalumpagus in the URL.

I told him I didn't think it was a great idea--I mean, what in the world would I say on a blog? And who would read it? He suggested I post on my favorite dinosaur or something of that nature. So, being bored, I created this blog. My first post is about my favorite dinosaur.

Of course, Big Brother was the only person who read it. I continued to post randomly on subjects such as macaroni and the smell of burnt vacuum. I told a few of my other friends to go read my blog, and a couple did, but it mostly became a venue for me to entertain myself.

Then the Native flew out to Utah for the EG Conference (which I'm going to this year!). He met a bunch of people like AtP, Samantha, Darrin, the Baker's Son, and he told me all about them. It was a few days later that he created his blog, with my link at the top. I started getting visits from more people, and I visited their blogs as well. I recognized AtP's and Samantha's blogs right away from the stories the Native had told me, so I began read theirs and many many others.

And that's how I made my way into the Queerosphere. Since then, I've met a lot of people from blogland. It's been absolutely delightful. So happy birthday to me!!! If you read my blog and haven't commented, please do! I'd love to hear from you.

Fruit flies

Today, referring to the state of our kitchen, Elizabeth Bennett complained: "There are so many fruit flies in here!!!"

Does anyone else see how oddly humorous that is, considering our apartment already has two resident fruit flies?