The way things are

Life is a really hard game. The pieces keep falling out of those teeny little cars!

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

For "the Family" and friends

Courtesy of my dear little prodigy and friend, Gwumpkie.

I laughed.


I was feeling nostalgic today and didn't know why. I started daydreaming during Psychology, and then, as I was leaving campus, I saw the first herd of EFY kids. Later, when I returned to campus, they were having their first dance of the week.

For the first time in a long time, I suddenly felt old. Even though I'm not old at all.

I turned the music up in my car really loud so I could drown out the ghost of EFY past. I really wanted to call Cuorderoy though.


My obituary (and a believable one at that)


'What will your obituary say?' at

Monday, May 28, 2007


Because lately I've been actively on the hunt for men. I only need one really, but that's proving to be more difficult than I would like. And since I recently discovered PaperTowel's secret girlfriend, I find my spidy senses to be more alert than ever.

Yesterday I saw a cute one sitting alone, so I thought I'd make a new friend. I really had very low expectations--I mean, it's sacrament meeting, and typically meeting people in the ward means they'll forget you as soon as church is over and you'll have to reintroduce yourself later. This guy really surprised me though.

He introduced himself as Trampoline, and we had a fabulous conversation that did NOT include, "What's your major?" or, "Where are you from?" He was very sociable [and very cute]. He fell asleep during each of the speakers, and Gogie and I had fun laughing at him. After the meeting was over, Trampoline turned to me and said, "Jeez Steph! Why are you so tired today?" I liked that he started calling me "Steph" right off the bat. It's really cool when people do that.

During Sunday school, the "Nice Notes" came around. He didn't know what they were, so I explained that you can write something nice for someone on a slip of paper. He asked to borrow my pen and then, after writing, handed me the slip of paper. I explained that he was supposed to write my apartment number on it and it would be delivered later. He did so and then excitedly went to put it in the basket. He was also good for commentary during Sunday School.

Today he came to the ward activity and rode in my car. He asked if I got his note. Yes--it said something like, "Thanks for sitting by me at Church. From Trampoline. PS--Thanks for letting me borrow your pen." I thanked him, stating that it had been a lovely "surprise." The other people in my car were cool so we had fun getting lost and then finally making it to the activity.

I wasn't even wearing a swimsuit, but somehow he got me to swim out to a raft with him. We sat and chatted with the other people on the raft, then left to get some food. We also explored for a little while. Eventually we went home. He was quite the entertainment on the way home. I love that he's a swimmer and that he's from Roseville (about an hour away from Cowtown). I also love that he likes to make people feel awkward--whenever he is assigned to bring drinks to a ward function he brings Dr. Pepper because he knows at least one person will be uncomfortable with it.

Basically, he's just one of those really really cool people that is just really really cool and makes me think, "I wish I were really really cool." However, he just graduated and is moving to SoCal at the end of the summer. I lose again.

I just want a man. But there's always a catch. *Sigh* Someday I will win this game.

In the mean time, I'll keep hunting. There is just too much eye-candy at BYU to pass up. You know?

Thursday, May 24, 2007


Yesterday after I took two test, I went and bought a sexy pair of chacos with AtP. We then went to the mall, consumed a soft pretzel each (complete with nacho cheese), laughed at AtP's incredible laugh, quit his job, and bought him shorts. He changed at my house and left his shorts conspicuously on my bed (in hopes of eliciting an angry response from my roommate--she disappointed us). After playing at the park, we decided to watch "Garden State," only to remember that AtP doesn't have a DVD player. So we picked up the New Girl (mentioned on AtP's last post), and got pizza. I had to abandon them to do visiting teaching, but later returned to eat my pizza and decline AtP and the New Kid's invitation to go running. I stayed up late reading blogs and reading a book.

I got up late today, read more of that book, and was finally ready around 1:30 pm. I studied until class, scored some extra credit, and finished the test quickly and confidently. I felt sexy walking home, and listened to my iPod with a smile on my face. I then read a bunch of blogs, and more of that book again. I ate an otter pop too. I chatted on the phone, listened to music, did more visiting teaching, and more reading. And here I sit, excited to go to a midnight showing of Pirates of the Caribbean 3 (which will hopefully be better than the second one was).

So life is good. The midterms are over (for now) and the weekend is here. And my birthday is soon. Which means new clothes. Yay. There are always sad things about life, but right now they are hiding and I am smiley. All I need now is for PT (or any other hot straight boy) to fall madly in love with me. :)

And now back to that book...

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Band Jokes

What do you call it when a piano falls down a mine shaft?

A flat miner [minor].

What do you call it when a piano falls on a military base?

A flat major.

Da da da chh!

PS--I bought sexy Chacos today, and had an entertaining/interesting time with AtP. More later if I'm not too lazy.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Life could be more boring

Blog name for my room roommate: Elizabeth Bennett.

I went to sign in to blogger, and Elizabeth Bennett's email was in the log in box. She has a blog? I told her I have a blog and she didn't mention hers. Interesting...

AtP and friend made me climb Bridal Falls in flip flops. I have two battle wounds, but it was definitely worth it. I just need to invest in some Chacos.

J thought the Masseuse was gay when they first met. So did AtP (although, had their meeting been a bit longer AtP would have realized the the Masseuse is just a different type of SSG). The best part is, when the Masseuse found this out, he was not offended in the least, and proclaimed this to be proof that he is a sensitive and caring person. He called me while I was at the waterfall, and AtP asked for the phone. I handed the phone to AtP who put it to his ear and said, "Sorry I thought you were gay."

I found out that PaperTowel has a girlfriend. Sort of. She went to China, so they broke it off, but she comes back at the end of June. Which basically means there's no hope for me, unless I'm magically more attractive than her when I see PT again in the fall. Lame. I'm not upset, just disappointed. However, I still felt like I was getting a good vibe. Maybe I was, but he just didn't want to go any further until ChinaGirl comes back. Hmm. I noticed that Gogie commented PT's facebook telling him that I had asked about ChinaGirl. What this all means is beyond me, but maybe there's hope. If not, they are still cool to hang out with. And Gogie is a great guy. Maybe he'll marry me.

I said goodbye to Captain Cleavage yesterday. We had our last two bell concerts. After the one in the morning, as we were putting the bells away, she asked me if I have a "sweet thing" for the Maestro. I responded that I do not, and she was very disappointed. "But he's so cute!" she bursted, "And you two would make such a cute couple! You're both musical and fun..." I just laughed, agreed that the Maestro is indeed cute, but insisted that neither of us have really put any effort into moving the friendship up to the next level. A few minutes later she cried, "Just think of your kids! They would be beautiful, and tall, and musical..." I laughed again, but couldn't help agreeing that the Maestro and I would have beautiful children.

I have a new entertainment. Last Sunday, I left church quickly so as not to be late to Granny's house. But in leaving church early, I ended up walking home by myself. As I walked down the stairs, there was a guy who was also alone just behind me. We smiled, but didn't say anything. It was just the two of us, down two flights of stairs and that long hallway, in silence. He reached the automatic door ahead of me, and when it opened he turned around and said, "I opened the door for you." I almost cracked up, but refrained and simply thanked him. He then introduced himself and we had a lovely walk home together. I didn't expect to ever see him again--there are a lot of people that go to church at the Wilk. But this Sunday, as I went into the hallway to get a drink, I saw him! He saw me too, and even remembered my name. I also remembered his, and we discovered that we have church in adjacent rooms. I also realized that he is in AtP's ward, and I told him that. Then I got my drink and went back to Sunday School. Perhaps I'll see him again...

And Cuorderoy is alive and finally home from the hospital.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

I'm really bad at this game

The game is called College.

I didn't do most of the reading for my Psych class, which means I will probably fail the quiz miserably. And for some reason I don't care.

I used to be a straight A student. And although I'm still straight, I'm not an A student anymore. B's used to be unacceptable; now a mix of A's and B's is satisfactory. I sometimes wonder why and how my attitude has changed in this regard.

Perhaps it's because I wanted to get into a good college. Perhaps it's because the competition in high school was much smaller and more comparative than it is here. I mean, I was competing for valedictorian--all of the smart kids knew each others' GPA's--and everything was so much more...contained. Here, no one knows or cares what your GPA is. There is little competition among students, and getting A's and B's is pretty darn good because college is harder than high school.

Also, I think I just have different priorities now. Spending time with friends or man-crushes or reading a tasty novel just seem so much more rewarding than putting in the effort to get an A in a class. If I can enjoy those things and get a B, I feel like I did a pretty darn good job at juggling everything.

The only drawback is I know I could get an A. It's definitely possible. And so when I get a B, I almost feel like I failed because I didn't do as well as I could have.

I suppose it's another Catch 22. The story of my life.

Still, I don't regret going out with Gogie and PaperTowel last night. PT is so effing hot and I won't see him until the fall.


Tuesday, May 15, 2007


PaperTowel and Gogie returned to Provo today. PT text-ed me and then came over. I had dinner with my sister and then PT came over again. We had fun chatting and then put in "The Shawshank Redemption" (one of my favorites). About halfway through, Gogie called and invited us to Beto's. He and his brothers S and P were having a last night out because P enters the MTC tomorrow. We teased Gogie about his Backstreet-Boy-esque facial hair and P declared I would fit into their family quite nicely, so Gogie and I decided to get married. S brought his girlfriend and because PT and I came together and PT paid for me I felt like I was also playing the girlfriend role. No complaints here.

Gogie & Co. left, and eventually PT and I did as well. We returned to my house to finish up the movie, sitting close enough on the couch for our arms to be touching. *Sigh.* That boy is hot. *Swoons.* Gogie joined us near the end, and then they both left. Tomorrow we're all going to go see the new Ninja Turtles movie. And then I have to say goodbye to PT yet again because he's going back to Texas. So sad. Gogie is staying, so that will be lots of fun, but no romance. Blast.

Looks like I'm still going to have to wait until fall to figure this one out.

Sunday, May 13, 2007


I understand the term "SSG" is known throughout the Queerosphere, thanks to our ever-trend-setting AtP. So, as I procrastinate studying, I'd like to talk about some of the SSG's in my life.

PaperTowel, my "man-crush," emailed me today. Of course it was very short, and not very eloquent. Still, it was nice to hear he will be coming back to Utah for a little while, and that perhaps I will see him before I go home for the summer. It also made me laugh--he is one of those people that will never let you win the argument, which makes for oh so entertaining conversation. If only he would get online for once in his life. If only he would fall madly in love with me...*sigh*...

I chatted with The Masseuse last night, and again today. I have yet to understand this boy. He is definitely straight, but he's not a typical SSG (this was evident in the fact that AtP thought he was gay the first time they met--don't tell him that though--I don't think he would be very happy). AtP, now knowing that The Masseuse is in fact straight, suggested that he (The Masseuse--darn pronoun/antecedent ambiguities) and I should date. I honestly have no objections to that. Other than the fact that every time I try to get The Masseuse to hang out he "can't" or is "too tired" or has to "study." I've learned that it's nothing personal--he just isn't as socially dependent as I am--but still. I would love to go out with him. I would love to just hang out with him. He doesn't seem to get it.

Maestro just works too much. When I see him at weekly rehearsal we have a great time. And I know that if he weren't working he would hang out with me. No romantic interest there, but he is a great friend. I just wish he didn't work so much...

And the other day I got Gogie to admit he loves massages, and we promised we'd exchange massages when he comes back to Utah. Haha.

Those are my main SSG's. I happen to love them all, despite their little straight quirks that irritate me to no end sometimes.

Sometimes I wish one of them would just ask me on a date though. I mean, even as friends. It's just nice to be asked on dates. And I love dates with my Mohos--I really do (and sorry again Gimple for flaking the other night!)--but sometimes I would like to think that I am attractive enough for a straight guy to ask me out. And yet. I swear, I'm really obvious sometimes, and they still don't get it. Either that, or I'm just not as attractive as I thought. That can't be right. Why do they not get it?!?!?! Why must I always be the one to ask guys out?!?!?! *Growls*

Today I left church very quickly so as not to be late to Grandma's house, and thus ended up walking home alone, leaving the socializing girls behind. Coincidentally, a charming blond fellow was also walking home alone, and he proceeded to make small talk. I had just been thinking about how I wish guys were more active about meeting new people (like me), and so, although this guy wasn't in my ward, I was grateful that someone was taking the time to befriend me, if only for a few minutes. And he was kind of cute. We just chatted about school and hometowns and the typical BYU conversation-starters, and then we said goodbye, possibly to never see each other again. It was fabulous. I didn't feel like I was exuding I'm-not-as-attractive-as-all-the-other-girls fumes. Maybe he thought I was cute. Then again, maybe he was just being nice because I was a loser walking home alone. Still, it was lovely, and I felt normal.

I feel like this post is lacking closure, but I don't really have anything else to say.

In the words of Strongbad, "It's over!!!!!!!"

Saturday, May 12, 2007

So tired.

I went camping with BloodMan and the Native last night. It was delightful, although I never sleep well on rocky ground when it's cold outside. I estimate that I got five-ish hours of sleep, if that. Nevertheless, it was wonderful. And we didn't even have toilets. This is deserving of more, so I will hopefully post later about it, but for now, I can't.

When we finally got back to where we get reception, I received a text message from Charlene telling me to call her asap. My heart sunk and I called her knowing there was bad news. She informed me that Cuorderoy was not doing well--that she had developed an infection and that the doctors didn't know what was going to happen. Mother Cuorderoy called me a few minutes later to tell me the same thing. Apparently Cuorderoy lost three pints of blood from hemorrhaging. She said Cuorderoy is doing a little better than last night, but that things still aren't well.

I asked Mother Cuorderoy how she was doing, and she said she had been a mess early this morning, but that she was feeling better now. She sounded so tired, but she is so strong. I told her that if she needed anything that she could call me or my parents. "I know, Steph," she said. "I love you." I love that woman so much. She has always been like a second mother to me, and as soon as I hung up with her the tears came. I was glad I was with the Native--he gave me a tissue and was able to calm me down.

When I got home, I called the four people Mother Cuorderoy had asked me to call to tell them what was going on. That was hard. I tried reading a couple of blogs, but I just couldn't. I'm exhausted, physically and emotionally. Crying doesn't help, and goodness knows I've done plenty of that today. I will catch up on blog-reading and everything else later, but right now I'm just too tired.

Thursday, May 10, 2007


I went to psychology (class) today. I realized that although I find psychology highly interesting, I also loathe it. I loathe it because in many respects there are no "right" answers. And yet, in class, the professor is always right. Even though there are no "right" answers. *makes face* So what if I disagree with the professor? Or what if I don't want him to guide my thinking? I took some career tests and they kept saying I should be a psychiatrist or social services worker. All I can say to that is hell no. As interesting as psychology is, and as fabulous of a psychiatrist/ologist I could be, taking psychology classes would kill me.

I went to bells. I was in a sort of reflective mood because I had just talked to Charlene about Cuorderoy, but I wasn't particularly sad or anything. I got there, and I just felt so withdrawn. I didn't really want to talk very much, and when Captain Cleavage teased me I was a little hurt, whereas I usually brush it off. We had a small party, and after eating, I just felt so tired. I realized my heart rate was pretty high for just sitting around, and so I kept drinking water. It's down a little bit now, but is still higher than my resting heart rate should be. I will lay down as soon as talking to Gogie and the Jet stops being so entertaining. :)

Speaking of Gogie, I got to talk to PaperTowel for a minute online. That made me smile. A lot. I miss those kids. They were You know the type--not too pious, but definitely strong testimonies; both nice to look at (ahem especially PaperTowel); both are hilarious and witty; both are smart... No, I'm not in love [yet] but I do wish they were around still.

I think I was going to post about something else too but I forget. In more news, I'm going camping tomorrow night, I had Pudding on the Rice last night for the first time (AMAZING), and I've had plenty of awkward moments lately with AtP and his game of "Who would you rather...?" Haha.

So life isn't bad. This is long though and I should be studying or reading or something. Blah.

Pray for Cuorderoy.

A favor

My dear friend Cuorderoy just had major surgery on her foot. Apparently the surgery went well, but she is very ill and the doctor's think she may have pancreatitis, which is a very painful condition.

Her mom called me this morning and said that Cuorderoy had asked if I would pray for her. A lot of you know her, and I'm sure your prayers would be greatly appreciated as well. So if you remember, put a good word in for her with the Big Man. :)

Thanks my loves!

Saturday, May 05, 2007

I want...

...a Jamba Juice.

I don't want... get in my car and go get one.


One of those nights...

I think I just need sleep, but for some reason I really don't want it.

Have you ever found sleep to be frightening for no reason at all?

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Correction on the previous post

The prayer service is in fact Friday night at 7 pm in the Provo Tabernacle. I said it was Saturday, but it's not--It's on Friday.

Love to see you there!

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Bells again!

Ok, I admit, I haven't been keeping up on reading everyone's blogs, so I don't really expect all of you to keep up on mine. But I'm posting anyway.

Apparently, Thursday is the United States' national day of prayer (this has been an annual thing since Harry Truman). So, on Friday night a bunch of religions are getting together to have a devotional-type of thing at the Provo Tabernacle. Jeffrey R. Holland will be speaking, and there will be musical performances, including--you guessed it--the Utah Valley Handbell Choir, of which I am a member. We will be playing an interlude piece, and the postlude.

It's Saturday night, 7 pm, at the Provo Tabernacle. It's free and open to the public, but since an apostle is coming, it will probably be crowded so you might want to come early.

More info can be found here:

Please come! It's going to be awesome and I'd love to see you there!!!